He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
