He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
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I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
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It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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