Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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