I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
