Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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