so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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