i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
