it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
