Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
