She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
