I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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