I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
