I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
