So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
one might say we're banned from that church
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
