Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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