she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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