i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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