I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
