Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This can only be settled by a dance off.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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