Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
