It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
