end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize