just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
