Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
