I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
