They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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