Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
