even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
