This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize