OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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