You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
