Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
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truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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