McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
