But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
