I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
