i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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