i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
