I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the day after is always just damage control
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
