No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
