why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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