she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
