i need an iv and a liver transplant
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize