absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The beers last night were like the tears from god
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
