GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?