the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
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When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?