Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear