oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
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so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.