threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
