The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She bit a glass in half.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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