3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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