I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
