i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
