She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
