the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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