She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
