if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
