we're chasing vodka with high fives
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
