Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
