if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
