I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
