I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
high people should be assigned attendants
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
