he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
