Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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