Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She even gives head with a lisp.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
