So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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