Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you have to choose: penises or morals?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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