She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
