franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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