I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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