i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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