What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
