just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize