I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
