Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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