soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
