D3 body, D1 cock
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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