This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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