I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
