he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
